I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
