Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
