If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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