Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
someone threw a dead crab at me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
