Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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