Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bring me that man meat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
