God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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