The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bring me that man meat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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