And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
