i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
