My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
