Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
