found the other keg... it's in the tree
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
