i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
