We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
