She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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