Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
