im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
