i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
