so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
