It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
