Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
