did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
