he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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