Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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