apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
