You made me cry and you don't even care
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
