this beer tastes like vomit already
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
