Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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