I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
