its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
