Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize