Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have fence marks all over my body
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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