just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
