I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
