Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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