I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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