He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
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I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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