So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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