Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
