so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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