You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
