Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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