I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
