brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
