I should be sponsored by Trojan
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
