When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
