I want to have your abortion
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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