You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
