His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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