you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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