WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
