a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
