How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
