Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
