so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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