She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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