i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
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Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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