If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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