i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
