Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
